Rambles.

“I’d like to have money. And I’d like to be a good writer. These two can come together, and I hope they will, but if that’s too adorable. I’d rather have money. I hate almost all rich people, but I think I’d be darling at it.” - Parker.  

The guide! I’ve lost it, I think. Yes I have defiantly lost it. I had it once but I didn’t think time would go so fast and that I would need it so soon. I mean there has to be more than one copy of it. Everyone else knows what is going on so I mean I could borrow someone else’s, theirs, yours? Just let me write down a few notes from it, a few guidelines, I mean that’s what it is intended to do, to guide you! We’re all in this together, fair enough some of us won’t make it to the end but the majority of us will get to the other side of it, unscathed, a few scars to help tell the tale but most importantly we will be at the other side. 

Wiser….?

“Oh I’m sorry I didn’t see you there. Could you just step to the side there I’m just trying to find,…AH HHA!! YES I got it”. “No wait” *inaudible groan* “The end is missing, come here show me yours” Yes YOURS hey come back HEY SHARING IS CARING!

(the above is a random exert from a random rambling writing session a year ago saved in the many unseen folders that exist on my laptop)

I think that so far my ‘twenties’ have been exciting enough for me to be able to document certain aspects of it and make it a somewhat enjoyable read, but not that exciting that Suki Waterhouse is fighting to play the role of me in the film of my life. I am just an average lady. Lady being the operative word. I am an average female who is both a sister, an aunt, a friend and to others a cunt.

But hey you can’t be everyone’s cup of tea and throughout the years I have learned that the hard way. Oh well you win some and you lose some. 

I heard a saying....well sorry that’s a bit ‘old school’ heard? In this day and age! HA no I read on a post on Instagram where someone had filtered the shit out of the words, that nothing ruins your twenties like thinking you should have your shit together by now. Well I am most defiantly at that stage right now, a quarter life crisis I hear people calling it? I fear that my twenties will be as confusing as the whole year of my twenty two-ness was. Shooting aimlessly for the dark abyss that is our thirties. I am not going to tell you that you will figure stuff out. Because I haven’t a clue what I am doing either. I keep thinking to myself once I have my education sorted that every other piece of my life will fit together like a jigsaw puzzle. I have a five year plan that is all starting to take place. Would you like to hear it?

(Berlin Wall, August 2014: Sinead Healy)

1. Graduate my Masters

2. Become a somewhat decent Journalist.

3. Move to New York  in September 2017 for a few months/a year and write to my hearts content.

4. Find someone who will travel the world with me, be that a friend or someone else. 

5. Live in Thailand, Australia, Croatia for some period of time.

6. Travel. Travel. Travel. 

Wither all of this takes place or not I will be sure to let you know. 

But the urge to wander around the world not knowing where I am going next seems a lot more 

appealing than wandering around Ireland feeling that same feeling. 



stress-fully yours, 

Sinead

x 

  

The 5 W's: Who, What, Where, When, why?

You'll know that I have a thousand college assignments due when you see me publish a post on here. 

Why? Because I am very fond of procrastination. In-fact this evening I spent an HOUR on the Vogue Youtube channel watching '73 questions with such and such'.

Splendid. 

Now where was I...

                                               

32 weeks ago on the 7th of September I sat here in this very room, on this very laptop preparing myself for my very first day of my Masters and here I am 32 weeks on preparing for my very last week in college. Technically I still am not finished (having to do a thesis all summer-on my own accord). BUT classes are over at the end of this week and I am a ball of mixed emotions.

Where has this college year gone? I feel like I should have embraced it a bit more.

Between working four days/evenings a week and the masters I didn't feel like I had that much spare time.

This year went. dare I say it...smoothly. Now that's not to say that stuff didn't happen. 

Stuff happened that made me cry, I was homesick (yes. I was. not so much anymore, soz mum.), I felt over-whelmed, lost, useless, lost, not good enough, not able, did I mention lost? 

But I learned a lot about myself. I learned how to be comfortable being alone and that it was 'okay' to be alone. I learned to stand up for myself. I learned the importance of surrounding myself with like-minded people, people who made me feel just as intelligent as I thought that they were. I learned to not be so hard on myself. I made new friends while loosing some old ones. I stayed up all night when I should have been studying, slept on peoples couches, laughed, cried, learned how to live on pasta and rice for a week solid, and that 'you don't make friends doing assignments'. 

With this last week I have 1001 things left to do. But Friday WILL come and they WILL get done.           

Now if anyone is looking for me Friday night I will be in Costello's kicking ASS at beer pong.

Stressfully yours, 

Sinead

x 

Sad isn't it? Part II.

We were friends once.

Not that long ago.

I would tell you my secrets and you would tell me yours.


Now I don't even know what your doing with your life.


Sad isn't it?


People drift apart and it happens all the time.

But it doesn't make it hurt any less.


I blame him you and you blame me.

But we're not even sure how it started.

We're probably both to blame.


Both too pig headed to admit that we're sorry.

But both better off the way we are now?


I'm happy, I'm not sure about you.


Just remember I tried.

You didn't.



Sad isn't it?


x

Sad isn't it?

7-11-2015

Today is your birthday.

You are eight.

You came into this world in the very early hours of a Wednesday morning in 2007 and I stayed awake because I was so desperate to hear that you made it into the world okay.

The next morning I got to meet you and I could have cried.

All pink with a head full of hair.

And eight years later here you are a little girl with a gapped tooth smile.

You told me you either want to be a Guard or a Beautician when you grow up.

I told you why not do both.

The thing is 'we' don’t get to see you very often. 

In the last 8 years I have never seen you for more than two days in a row.

Sad isn't it?

But it's the norm. 

Which is even sadder. 

We've never seen you on your birthday.

Santa either comes a few days late or a few days early to our house because we never get to see you on the actual day. 

But your happy because you've never known any different in your life.

Sad isn't it?  

x 

Growing up Online

GET OFF THE INTERNET SOMEONES TRYING TO CALL 

You can't really escape social media nowadays can you?

Especially the job that I plan on going into. A journo.

They tell us we have to be all kinds of tech-savvy social media self promoters, when sometimes the lecturers lecturing us on this can't even get the power-point to work. AWKS.

Bebo was the Facebook of my generation. Painfully sitting through the dial up connection noise praying it would connect to the internet. Only allocated a certain amount of time 'online' to 'give love' to your 'other half'. A more simpler time I might add where you know who-liked-who from the position they held in their top sixteen.

Painfully waiting an hour for a Youtube video to load before your parents screamed at you to get off the internet because someone was trying to get through on the house phone. 

If you have no clue what I am on about think pre-wifi era.

The 90's children internet.

I would HATE to be a teenager growing up nowadays.

Everything is got at the click of a button and we spend endless hours staring blankly into a screen. Social media outlets designed were we post content just to get some validation from our peers and strangers. It is tiring and I have learned that you do not need to share the entire content of your life online. Gone are the days of  'u ok hun?' under a status stating how you hated 'so and so'.  

As I have gotten older I have realized that some things are best kept private.

BUT YOU HAVE A BLOG SINERD????

Yes I have a blog where I write what I want and post pictures and chat absolute shite. But there are so many unpublished posts that never made it to the eyes of whoever the hell is reading these posts. Written by an emotionally un-stable sinéad, who was glad to click save rather than publish. 

So what exactly am I trying to say? Well like most of the time I'm not sure.

But I remember being a teenager and not caring about how I appeared online.....because I was rarely ever on it.

Now I'm snap-chatting my friends what I'm doing, while also texting one of them in a different conversation, and also organizing plans in the whatsapps group while filtering the crap out of my pictures on Instagram and hash-tagging my life away on twitter while sipping left on tinder like there is no tomorrow. It is exhausting. But it's only going to get bigger and better? Worse? 

Oh who knows.

Sometimes it's best to step away from your phone and instead of trying to document everything; what your eating/wearing/checking yourself in on facebook. 

How about you actually just enjoy what your doing and who your doing it with.

 Put the phone down.

x

P.s: But don't forget to like, share, tweet, pin, insta, snap, subscribe ahgkjabgkgdbagoebwhogbaegk......  

24 things I've learned in my 24 years

24. 

I have been alive for 24 years. 

I was / still am not happy about how OLD I AM. 

But there is literally nothing on this earth that I can do to change it. 

I 'celebrated' my birthday and I use this term loosely because instead I mourned the fact that I had aged a whole year with nothing to really show for it.

I often wonder at what age will I loose the feeling like I am wandering around aimlessly looking for the right answers and the right direction. 

I am classified as a young adult. and I couldn't be further from the truth. 

So instead of me rambling on about how sad I am about the fact that I turned 24.

Here are some things that I have realised in my 24 years on this planet. 

1. Self respect is extremely important
2.  Sometimes who you were friends with a year ago,  five years ago,  ten years ago might not be who you are friends with now and it is OKAY. People grow apart.  
3.  Save some sort of money. even if it's only a tenner once a month. 
4.  Surround yourself with people of similar interests because if they don't understand you how do you expect to understand yourself?
5.  If a guy is emotionally, physically or verbally abusive, GET OUT. 
6.  Don't share everything about yourself on social media. 
7.  It is okay to still have no idea what you want to do with your life. 
8.  Travelling is one of the greatest things you will ever get to do. do it more. 
9.  Take photos often and of the things you love. 
10.  Do what you love, screw what anyone thinks of you
11.  staying in doing nothing is the new going out. content AF!
12.  Not everything is meant to work out. Sometimes things end. 
13. Your friends don't always have your best interests at heart 
14. Don't be so hard on yourself. your doing your best.
15. STOP comparing yourself to other people: everyone is at different stages of their lives. 
16. Not every action needs a reaction!
17. Stop planning things around friends, if you want to do something THEN DO IT! 
18. Don't be afraid to make the first move
19. Also delete tinder its not good for you. 
20. Spend time at home, your family is important: don't take it for granted.
21. Appreciate your parents more: they're not here forever.
22. Same goes for your grandparents. Put down your phone and spend time with them.
23.  Make effort with friends who are drifting apart, but also remember it's not all down to you. 
24. and finally stop taking what you have for granted, others would kill to have what you have. 

                                                                         x 

Tinder Banter

Tinder for those mere mortals who have no idea what I am talking about, is a 'dating' app (and I use the term dating loosely) It connects to your Facebook profile which allows you to see if you have potential mutual friends with other people. It allows you to set up an age range of 18 to 55+, a distance range of up to 160km, if you prefer men/women or both and allows you to upload six sessy images of yourself. Bobs you uncle, Fannys your aunt and your all set to go Tindering!!

The idea is you look at pictures of people, you can swipe left to say no and right to say yes. Shallow, judgmental YES I know! We don't want to appear to be superficial, but at the end of the day: looks do matter.

As Irish people when Tinder first came around we feared it. 'Online' dating was and still is something that us Irish people don't see as the norm. Usually we are not the forward type and those that are, are deemed as 'creeps'.

I have two group of friends: the ones who have been in over eight year relationships: some are engaged, some have had babies, and some have just gotten into new relationships (RIP to my single ladies......) and then there is my single friends shifting round them like it's going out of fashion.

My friends in those long term relationships won't get tinder. I mention I am going on a date and BOOM this is the guy I will marry. No lads, this is just a free meal and a movie.

Tinder's not going anywhere anytime soon, so lets embrace the awkwardness of it all and swipe to our hearts content while sitting in the comfort of your bed looking so far from what your Tinder profile would appear to be.WINNER.

In my opinion or at least the people I know it that 'we' are apprehensive in saying we are meeting someone off Tinder or other dating apps. But at the end of the day it's all for a bit of craic right?  that and the Sunday night fear of ending up alone forever. But that's a whole other story.

I have been on and off Tinder since it started. I decided when I moved to Limerick I would get it again, new place new faces and that lasted all of 2 months. I got sick of repeating the same story over and over when inevitably it going nowhere. I deleted it for the third time and was forced out into the real world where looks still determined who you would talk to (with the help of a couple of glasses of wine.)

That was until one Sunday night when boredom overtook and I downloaded it again.

Wham bam thank you mam, One week later I was on a date.

My first tinder date.

CUE PANIC STATIONS.

Was I shitting myself? most certainly.
Did it go well? it went...grand.
Did he look like his photos? thankfully, yes.
Did I look like my photos? I looked worse.
Did we meet again? Yes we did. all the usual date type scenarios.bowling, cinema, netflix.
GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER.

Long story short- pun intended. It was short lived but an experience and I got to see a few free movies so I can't complain.

So do I expect to meet the love of my life off tinder? Hell no. I am not the exception to the rule of those Tinder love stories you hear about.

BUT I will continue to furiously swipe right just for the sheer banter and the fear of ending up alone at my best friends wedding next year. HA.ha....ha..............

Unsuccessfully Tindering,

Yours,

Sinéad

    x

21st century Romeos