"Don't follow me, I'm lost"

Playschool, national school, secondary school, college. 

Easy peasy.

It is all laid out in a LONG and lovely boring order. 

But it is easy to follow. You know what comes after what, there is no beating around the bush.

 Right?

Well no one told me what would happen after college. 

I have a "degree". It was somewhat easy to achieve. 

But here I am, a year on from finishing the degree and I can't help but think....WHAT have I achieved???

The answer is plain and simple. Sweet...F....All. (excuse my french). 

Yes I got a new job with more hours then my last job. 

Yes I moved of my parents house(20 minutes from home to be exact)

Yes I have a new group of friends (having also drifted away from old friends, but clutching at the strings of those who I miss very dearly) 

But everyone around me seems to be going at a million miles an hour in a thousand different directions (England to be precise). In the last year and in the next few weeks (cue the tears) England has gained many of my nearest and dearest to which I respond.
You lucky duck.  

It was easy every year knowing what was coming next. December 31st might be the end of a year for some, but for the last 17 years each September brought with it a new chapter and a new adventure. 

Last September (2013) saw me for the first time without a new adventure, I wandered aimlessly to December convincing myself that it was my break, that in January I would settle down and figure out my plan for September 2014. Now as the second September looms closer and my nearest and dearest friends are literally in their "grown-up" jobs. I feel like I am being left behind and it petrifies me.  

I have begun questioning everything I have ever wanted to do. To write, be a journalist, and I have begun to be a sheep and think I will follow the crowd. Realistically do I want to be a teacher? No.

I feel like everyone has there life on track and I am just waiting for someone to turn to me and tell me they haven't figured it all out either. But what terrifies me more is that this year break will turn into another few years and I will wake up 30 with no career and no goals and nothing achieved and wonder where my life has gone.
This is a very deep post for a Tuesday.
I suppose realizing it now should make me kick my butt into gear.

Anyway here's to the summer, next week I am off on a month adventure so that is something to look forward to and I am grateful for the opportunity to even do it.
It's just what to do after that is the scary thought.

anyone else feeling a little lost? 

Sinead

x